Weighing in

Ok, the good news is I think I've lost some weight. The bad news is I think if I drink a couple gallons of water to make up for what I sweat out last week, I'll find it again. I've been doing very labor intensive things that make you sweat, you know like, sorting papers, clothes, toiletries and touching up the paint around my kitchen cabinet knobs. Luckily my house is shaded by giant maple trees or I think I would have melted completely by now. On the bright side, the work is getting done and we are moving forward. We are enjoying visiting family and friends and looking forward to spending some time at our little cottage on the lake.

On the flip side, I'm homesick. Full-fledged wanna be back on the island with my friends... now! It is odd to feel like a stranger in a place where you spent so many years of your life, but aside from my family and my dear friend and her family, I feel no particular connection anymore. I feel far away from my home. What is it that gives us this feeling? I think it's all about relationships and finding a place where you feel like you fit, are needed, liked and that you can contribute and serve others. A place that brings you joy. I was blessed to find that unique combination and now I want it back. I was talking with a friend tonight who left his homeland to come to the US 16 years ago and now feels strange when he goes to visit his family. It made me not feel so weird about how I'm feeling. Our house here is not able to be lived in due to damages that occurred while we were gone, our truck is in the same unusable condition, both wallet draining, and so we can't yet move things to our cottage as planned, and we are living at my mom's house. I'm just feeling a little like a refugee.

OK, enough complaining. I know that I am on a journey and that how I respond to the challenges before me will affect the outcome. I am trying so hard to remain positive in the face of all the setbacks. I knew before we set out that we would be facing difficult things. Knowing and living are 2 different things. It's the living that gets tough, frays our nerves, makes us want to blame someone, anyone, for our predicaments. All I can think of is that I want to do what is right and follow what God is leading us to do. Unfortunately this is not my natural instinct. My inner girl is fighting for control and wants to put Her plan into action instead, thereby avoiding the growth that will inevitably come with God's path. This is my M.O., this is what I always have done. It is hard to change your M.O. To restrain yourself and wait on God, but that is exactly what I must learn to do. The days ahead will be filled with challenges and opportunities to listen and obey and most importantly TRUST Him who holds all things in His capable hands. My vision of the future is so dim in comparison, but I want the itinerary, the plan, the inside scoop BEFORE I move ahead. That's not trust people, that's fear- not faith. So, I will get up tomorrow and try my best to put my life and future in His hands and let go of it with my own. How about you?

He may not let me go back home but, I'll let you know what amazing things He does. ;-)