Living in the Olive Press

In the Bible it talks about the pressing of the olive. It is a hard fruit with a tough pit inside. The valuable part comes as a result of the pressing and grinding of the olive with the heavy stones which is a rich, luxurious and delicious oil from an otherwise hard and bitter fruit. The oil was coveted and used for many good purposes. Anointing, prayer, etc. It takes a lot of pressure to get the oil out of the olive and what is leftover is the dry, broken fruit. I feel like an olive right now. There are so many things pressing on me as we go through this process of leaving Lopez, selling our home of 25 years and weeding out all of our earthly belongings just to move again to our rustic camp in Maine and not knowing what comes next. My loving God is pressing me right now and I feel the weight of what we are doing and how God is using this time to bring forth something rich, luxurious and delicious that can be used for His good purposes. He knows that the only way to produce that in my life is for me to be broken before Him, for my tough and bitter inner 'pit' to be shattered. It is in the stressful times when we learn the most about ourselves, our character and our strengths & weaknesses. It is a time for choices, changes and growth. I strive to trust the process.

Weighing in

Ok, the good news is I think I've lost some weight. The bad news is I think if I drink a couple gallons of water to make up for what I sweat out last week, I'll find it again. I've been doing very labor intensive things that make you sweat, you know like, sorting papers, clothes, toiletries and touching up the paint around my kitchen cabinet knobs. Luckily my house is shaded by giant maple trees or I think I would have melted completely by now. On the bright side, the work is getting done and we are moving forward. We are enjoying visiting family and friends and looking forward to spending some time at our little cottage on the lake.

On the flip side, I'm homesick. Full-fledged wanna be back on the island with my friends... now! It is odd to feel like a stranger in a place where you spent so many years of your life, but aside from my family and my dear friend and her family, I feel no particular connection anymore. I feel far away from my home. What is it that gives us this feeling? I think it's all about relationships and finding a place where you feel like you fit, are needed, liked and that you can contribute and serve others. A place that brings you joy. I was blessed to find that unique combination and now I want it back. I was talking with a friend tonight who left his homeland to come to the US 16 years ago and now feels strange when he goes to visit his family. It made me not feel so weird about how I'm feeling. Our house here is not able to be lived in due to damages that occurred while we were gone, our truck is in the same unusable condition, both wallet draining, and so we can't yet move things to our cottage as planned, and we are living at my mom's house. I'm just feeling a little like a refugee.

OK, enough complaining. I know that I am on a journey and that how I respond to the challenges before me will affect the outcome. I am trying so hard to remain positive in the face of all the setbacks. I knew before we set out that we would be facing difficult things. Knowing and living are 2 different things. It's the living that gets tough, frays our nerves, makes us want to blame someone, anyone, for our predicaments. All I can think of is that I want to do what is right and follow what God is leading us to do. Unfortunately this is not my natural instinct. My inner girl is fighting for control and wants to put Her plan into action instead, thereby avoiding the growth that will inevitably come with God's path. This is my M.O., this is what I always have done. It is hard to change your M.O. To restrain yourself and wait on God, but that is exactly what I must learn to do. The days ahead will be filled with challenges and opportunities to listen and obey and most importantly TRUST Him who holds all things in His capable hands. My vision of the future is so dim in comparison, but I want the itinerary, the plan, the inside scoop BEFORE I move ahead. That's not trust people, that's fear- not faith. So, I will get up tomorrow and try my best to put my life and future in His hands and let go of it with my own. How about you?

He may not let me go back home but, I'll let you know what amazing things He does. ;-)

Day 2....check.

Ok, seriously. The next time I go away for an unexpected 2 years I am having cleaning people come in regularly while I'm gone. I'm thinking a good hose down with a steam cleaner may be in order. Today was truck registration, shopping for extra cleaning supplies, paint touch ups on my kitchen cabinets and cleaning of all the kitchen appliances. First I have to confess that I did a less than stellar job of cleaning the fridge before I left. My excuse is that I was going to be having it hauled off and a new one brought in when I returned so I figured with everything else I had going....why scrub it down? 3 Magic erasers later I know why. But, the good news is that my fridge now looks showroom clean and will surely be the thing that tips the scales for the new buyers. All I want to know is Where's my bottle of Champagne? I'll tell you where... tomorrow I have declared a cleaning strike and announced to all interested parties that my mission is to go and see my friend Lisa, drink copious amounts of her perfect tea and be regaled by her stories and fabulous sense of humor and ability to quote Jane Austen at the drop of a hat....always appropriate to the situation. This should put me in a much better humor for the rigors of cleaning out my office and scrubbing the shower surround on Friday. There's nothing so refreshing as a day with a great friend. I recommend you all try to do the same very soon! Till tomorrow....

Dress for Success?

Clearly, based on this evening's photo from research for a 'woman cleaning her house', I approached my tasks today in entirely the wrong way. I was clearly underdressed and had a less than deliriously happy demeanor. I am sorry to say I wore heat appropriate clothing and was not prepared for the horrors I found in my house. The only dancing I did was short jerking leaps away from ninja spiders while vacuuming. Let's just say there are a lot of local mice that owe me back rent. And , I might add, a hefty damage deposit should have been explored up front. These little monsters (don't be fooled by the precious darlings of Cinderella fame) have invaded every nook and cranny of my house, every drawer, my fridge, and had a cough drop orgy in the bathroom cabinet to top it all off, leaving me with only the red cellophane which they industriously used to make confetti to strew about the closet. I hope they were all high for days and OD'd. Apparently my neighbors are putting on the feed bag for them in the form of their bird food. My bathroom and sewing closets were both adorned heavily with the hulls of sunflower and other seeds....along with the dividends of consumption of said treats. Had I been in my cute little red dress with high heels and a nicely twisted chignon perhaps I would have been in a more jovial frame of mind about their party refuse, but I was not.

Also, unlike Taffy here I was unable, I am sorry to say, to embrace the joy that is a sparkling clean toilet bowl. I'll have to remember to wear my whites next time I attempt this satisfying task. I believe there are people who's livelihood it is to take on these joyful pursuits, and after today (day one of many to come mind you) I am thinking it is time to seek them out. You would not think that a house that was cleaned and left in good condition could in 2 years deteriorate to such an extent. I was shocked at the mayhem I was confronted with and I don't mind saying- a bit put out so....

Add a gallon of sweat from the heat and mouse doodie stuck to her pants and this is a closer likeness of me today. Except of course I did not sport the cute pink cleaning gloves or scarf. But, I have to say...my bathroom is now clean and God have mercy on any rodent who dares to trespass without a prepaid lease tonight. I think traps will be on the morning shopping list, though apparently an empty kitchen garbage can can capture and bring about the demise of a mother and three children and you don't even have to use your expensive organic peanut butter to bait it! Who knew? It is nice though if you find them before they're nearly skeletonized. Is that even a word? Well, I'm using it anyhow, I don't have the energy to look up a good substitute in the thesaurus. It's amazing I can even spell thesaurus after being in contact with industrial cleaning fluids or a better part of the day. I can hardly wait for tomorrow. But I am wondering what I should wear....and will it make any difference with my head stuck in the old refrigerator?

City Heat

I forgot how the heat really feels. I had a distant memory after being on the island for so long, but as the song says 'It's all coming back to me now'. The 90's especially in the city are brutal. By the time we got back to the apartment Friday my jeans were sticking to my legs. I actually broke down and hailed a cab to take us the last 8 blocks.

This photo is the Ballfields Cafe in Central Park. We wandered over here for dinner last night and watched the baseball games on the fields across the path. Emma climbed on some of the giant boulders scattered through the park in lieu of the 2 giant playgrounds next to them. She hates structured fun for the most part and it was good to see her challenging herself to reach new heights. I refrained from climbing in order to maintain my dignity but my challenge came in church this morning at Morning Star NY. Keep in mind that our original plan was to move on yesterday to go to my mom's house in Maine but our friends invited us to stay for the weekend and so here I was in service this morning. From beginning to end in every part God spoke to me about keeping my eyes on Christ. Not what I think will work in my life, or what plan I can come up with to get what I think I need or want, but what He has for me. As we go forth with selling our house and into the future, these things do not make sense to us and yet we know that this is part of trust Him. We are constantly tempted in this life by many things but as I was reminded today God does not tempt anyone. It is against His nature. So if I am being tempted it is only my own desire and not from Him. I have strong emotions about what I think I want to do, but I can not trust and follow mere emotionalism. God has blessed us everywhere on this journey He has taken us on the last 2 years with friends (both in New England and on Lopez) who are supportive, who listen, who care about us and who have each given us (among many other things) encouragement, godly wisdom and prayer. Thank you all. As we set out for Maine tomorrow I go confident that I am in His hands no matter what. We are having a small thunderstorm right now and I hope it will drop the temperature before we head out later for our healthy NYC dinner of Hot Dogs in the park. (You have to do it once every time you visit!) So until tomorrow.....

Up, Up, And Away

I am watching from somewhere inside me, an inner body experience if you will, my beautiful daughter growing up, up and away. Just in the last few weeks she has had a metamorphosis into a young girl, no longer a little girl. How precious is the gift God has given me to be her mother. Not that this 'job' doesn't come with it's own trials and tribulations, but there is something so profound about steering someone else into and through this life and helping them to develop their sense of self in the grand scheme of things and to develop a godly character along the way. It is a job I am profoundly unqualified to do in my own strength and wisdom. Only by relying on God's strength and His wisdom can it be done. I have made and will make many mistakes along the way because I am human, imperfect and still growing up myself. But God's grace is abundant and He will make up for where I err. Nothing ever held my heart the way she does and it makes me think about the fact that I am God's child. In my human capacity I can barely contain my love for my child. I can barely imagine the vast love my heavenly father has for me. With all my mistakes, selfishness and imperfections, he loves me. He is proud of me when I grow and bloom just as I am proud of every accomplishment Emma has. In a city with so many people and distractions I am vividly aware of my need to protect her and keep her in my sight. Is this what God is doing with me, in this fallen world? Absolutely. I love Emma in every moment of frustration, disobedience, selfishness and need. My love does not depend on her perfection but grows in seeing her struggles and successes. I forget that God feels the same about me. Each new day brings my sense of urgency to a new level as I see the physical, emotional and mental growth in my daughter. A realization of what a short, short time I really have to influence her life the most. Nothing in my life has brought my shortcomings to my attention like having to be the example for another, nor the determination to overcome them. She makes me want to be a better person. Emma is a gift in many ways and I am full of thanks this morning that God has entrusted her to our care for such a time as this.

Caverns To Canyons

FYI; FallingWater is closed on Wednesdays. We wish we had known that and are determined to do better homework in the future. We visited 'Kentuck Knob' instead, which was only 7 miles away and at least got our Frank Lloyd-Wright fill for the trip. After that we were too late to go to the Caverns Emma wanted to go to so we drove the extra miles and again got stuck with a , shall we say;'less than desirable' hotel. OK, I'm not THAT picky but I refused to get undressed or sleep on their bedding. There was a complete lack of proper cleaning techniques being employed (Don't let the 'sanitized for your safety' strip around the dirty toilet seat fool you) and after running the water for about 7 minutes I gave up on the hope of hot water. Normally this would not have been the end of the world, but if you've ever had 2 days worth of chlorine in your hair from swimming pools and not been able to wash it out, you will feel my pain. Needless to say it was a restless night, but the last night we'll be in a hotel for awhile.

Thursday morning we went to the Lost Caverns in Hellertown, PA. Who named it? I don't know. Were they stuck there and hated it or was their last name Heller? Anybody? Bob, our tour guide reminded me of the actor Charles Durning and was very knowledgable, if a little corny in the hunor dept. It was a good tour and Emma got some souvenirs for her rock collection. Afterward we had a short drive of 1 1/2 hours to NYC. Thank goodness for a short day of driving!

I have seen many kinds of canyons across the country and now that we have landed in NYC I am reminded of what are called the 'Canyons of New York'. You can see a bit in these photos how much the buildings, each different in their architecture and colors, etc. make up a city canyon. And you sure feel your size when you are here in person. I always love coming to NYC. There is a vibration here, from the never ending movement of people, jackhammers, ambulances, honking horns, vehicles and wind that does something to your chemistry. It is a buzz you don't get anywhere else in the same way, and I am inclined to like it. I am so blessed that my friend is so generous and invites us to stay here in their apartment in Manhattan. It is so great to be so close to everything and have a nice base to return to when you need a break. It is always the best way to see anyplace when you have a 'home base'. We arrived at lunchtime on Thursday and I ventured out to Columbus Circle, right around the corner to Whole Foods (HUGE) and got stuff for dinner. Today, Dave went museum hopping and I took Emma and the 'girls' to American Girl Place on Fifth Avenue. It was girl heaven and the dolls each got their hair done in the salon, one got pierced ears and they each got a new outfit and a dog to share. Emma was so thrilled and I even splurged on a cab when we began to melt on the way home. Now I am determined to remain in the air conditioned apt. until Dave gets home and see if we can plan something fun for the cooler evening. For now I'm chillin' in the Big Apple.

The Great Frontier

I remember when I first saw Dances With Wolves how pretty I thought the prairies were. It has been nice seeing them first hand. Today we sped across the rest of Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia and came to a full stop in Uniontown, PA.

There is something daunting about looking for a hotel every night. We didn't want an itinerary, but the price to pay is finding or not finding a decent place to stay that won't break the budget. Tonight we thought we were stuck. The only place in town acceptable was the Holiday Inn. Usually more expensive. Imagine my sheer joy when it was less than some other places we stayed and has everything needed to survive for... maybe ever... within it's four walls. The center of the hotel is a courtyard featuring a huge swimming pool with tables and chairs and chaise lounges, a spa and an indoor playground, air hockey, billiards and ping-pong. There are also a restaurant, arcade, hair salon, guest laundry facilities, cookies and punch, etc. Our room opens onto the courtyard and a rear hallway to the outside. Everything is soft and lovely and I am sitting in a leather swivel office chair writing this tonight. Not bad. I asked the fam how long they wanted to stay! But, tomorrow we go tour Fallingwater and then to the Indian Echo Caverns (2 great places to stay out of the 98 degree weather we've been having. I forgot how much fun the heat is.)

So, on another note. I have some observations to share about the last week. Sometime try putting your whole family in a 4 foot by 6 foot space for 8 days. Only get out to go to the bathroom in unfamiliar places, eat outdoors and sleep in a variety of beds. Things will begin to happen. Feelings will surface. Your communication skills will be put to the test. You may find they are not as strong as you thought. On the bright side, this may be like immersion therapy, like putting arachnophobes in a room with tarantulas to get over it. Ok, I personally think that's going too far but bear with me. When you are confined with people you have to work out the kinks or havoc will break out. You find out what your weaknesses and sensitivities are and whether or not you are good at being a team player. I have found that none of us are the best team players. Not that I was totally clueless about this flaw in my character but it does seem magnified in all of us when put into a small blue box. We each have 'suffered for the other's desires to visit certain spots (I almost paying with my life; per my last blog entry). My conclusion is it is hard to be a family, even when you're in God's family. But it is worth the trouble it takes to put the others before yourself. I have found out things I believe God wants us to change about our characters and He is using our confinement to bring things out into the light so that He can help us grow up just a little more. So this trip is full of adventures, outside and inside the car. He is preparing us for some future events that we cannot foresee. I just hope we don't kill each other on the way!

The 'Gory' Details

Well, after three grueling days in the car and too tired at the end of each to write, I think it's time for an update. After Glacier we moved on to Nevada City and it's twin Virginia City....a mere 5 hour drive due to a 45 min. delay in road construction. Piece of cake day. If you don't know these are both frontier towns. Nevada City is a living history museum on the weekends and houses many original homes and buildings from all over Montana. Frontier House fans will recognize it as the training facility for the participants. We had our obligatory frontier photo done at a shop in Virginia City...I have to say my husband makes a good sheriff. Although as he pointed out the guy who was put into costume after him chose to be an outlaw and got the exact same outfit. I guess you can't tell a book by it's cover. The next day we headed to Yellowstone and did all that implies. I'm not one for touristy places with tons of people but it was ok. As noted in the photo above Buffalo are wild animals that have gored park visitors. Like me they can handle only just so much pestering and then they blow. (Lucky for my family I don't have horns) Apparently we were one of a select few cars who were given this ominous warning because as you may or may not be able to see in the other photo (of people running back to their cars as a buffalo tries to come up over the banking to gore aggressive photographers) people were indeed approaching the buffalo. Fortunately, like me, he changed his mind and returned to pacing the banking. As we left the park we took the northeast exit and proceeded over Beartooth Pass. This makes Glaciers' peaks look like a baby's stackable ring tower. As you can see in the photo I have aged 10 years since going over this treacherous poorly maintained, deathtrap of a road (free of guardrails for your viewing pleasure, so you can see where your demise might be). I will admit to one of the most stunning views I may ever see in my lifetime at the top, but I'm not at all sure it was worth it. It made me wonder how long you can actually survive with adrenaline constantly pumping through your body. Apparently long enough to stay conscious for the entire ride. After this we headed east again and into the Dakotas. We stopped in Rapid City only to find that the only hotel room available, being fourth of July weekend, was a fleabag place that had 2 cruisers in the parking lot trying to persuade an intoxicated man to vacate the curb near our door and a couple 2 doors down fighting with each other. This lovely non-smoking room almost knocked me over with the smell of nicotine drenched fabrics. I returned the keys, spirited my 8 year old, now wiser to the ways of the world, into the car and we had to drive 2 hours extra to get a hotel room in Kadota. Then yesterday we made another long haul from there to Des Moines where we thought we would visit a friend I haven't seen in 3 years. They were gone for the holiday weekend and so we swam in the pool at the Super 8 motel in Ankeny Iowa with no fireworks for the fourth. Definitely not happening next year! Today after 2 days of 10-12 hour days of driving we only drove 9-10 and landed just east of Indianapolis, IN. So we've basically crossed the entire prairies and saw a couple of farms here and there (lol). Who had any idea how much corn is needed for us to survive? I am thankful that God is allowing me to see the beautiful and diverse country I live in. His creation is wonderous. Tomorrow we are off to the eastern side of Ohio or western Pennsylvania, Wed. Frank Lloyd-Wright's house;Falling Water and Amish country, and then to our friend's place in Manhattan for a couple of days of rest, museums, American Girl Place and NO DRIVING. OK, maybe a subway or the cross town bus. So, sorry for the incredibly long post but I think we're caught up for now. Tune in next time!

Day 3-Glacier National Park....and beyond!

OK. Can we say Majestic? Never with my camera can I convey how small you feel amongst these gigantic mountains. Nor how much jello can be contained in ones legs. The older I get the more I appreciate how close to the ground God made me. Driving through Glacier National Park from west to east means that you're on the drop-off side of the road. Since Dave has wanted to see Glacier for so long I also wanted him to just be able to gawk at everything while I drove and tried to figure out how to share the inside lane with oncoming traffic. This photo was taken just after the 'weeping wall'. We stopped here for our picnic as it had the least steep cliffs of the entire trek and I was able to relax. I'd put more of my photos in but...that would ruin the slide show for later.;-) We drove from 7am to 6pm and landed in Great Falls, MT. Today we are opting for a shorter day and will head down to Nevada City for a little commercialized ghost town action and call it an early night. Then we're off to Yellowstone. Film at 11.