On The Trail....

Ok, I'm already a day behind journaling our trip, but that's because I was a total road zombie last night and couldn't think straight. We drove all the way to Colville, WA from Lopez. This picture is from Northern Idaho, just past Sand Point. Today started out to be a day from H-E-double- hockey-sticks. I was sick and seemed to have zero mental capacities. I think my brain was dried out from the dusty air conditioning unit that blew directly up my nose all night. Just guessing. After over an hour on the internet trying to secure a hotel room for tonight, but to no avail, we finally hit the road. Within 2 minutes Emma needed a band-aid for a 'bleeding paper-cut' and a new camera battery. After about 20 miles of neither of us functioning properly we realized we hadn't had our morning coffee yet....aha! Problem solved. After we pulled out of the coffee shop Emma decided a hot tea and donut combo would be good, so a mile later we pulled into a gas station. After this things perked up (pardon the expression) and we wound our way across Idaho and into Montana, during which (the shortest part of the trip) Emma wanted to know every 7 minutes if we were in Montana yet. (You've seen one mounain, you've seen them all.)

I am posting all this o give you an idea of how rough a start we had but to give Emma the credit she deserves, she is a wonderful traveler and has not complained. She has said she is enjoying herself and the scenery and is excited to get to Yellowstone to see the geysers, which she learned about last year. We finally decided that we would stop for the night in Libby, Montana, about 100 miles short of our original goal, sans the mental incapacitation of the morning. (Good thing I wasn't able to book the other room). And so here we are. Tomorrow we go through Glacier's Going To The Sun Road. Charging up the cameras as we speak. It's funny how when you're going through the dullest areas the speed limit is 25 and the most beautiful it's 70. Who wants to go fast then?? ME:"Hey, Honey, look at that." Dave:"What?" ME:"Back there." Dave:"What." ME: "Never mind." At 70 mph who knows if that lump was a Grizzly or a bush. All we saw for sure was a deer......so rare.... Ask anyone from Lopez. The other thing to get used to is that we lost an hour in a split second when we crossed over our first time zone change. We're on Mountain time now. =-( I wanna be on Island Time!) Anyhow, early to bed tonght and no leaving the hotel until our coffee has hit the system. Goodnight everyone!

A whale of a day

Well it finally happened. Tonight I was sitting on my friends deck, you know having a nice leisurely dinner with my peeps. I am facing MacKaye Harbor. All of the sudden I spot it, a giant plume of water shooting up into the sky...a large body breaching the waves and slipping back in. I have been in the islands for 2 years and not seen one whale. I've even gone looking for them. We spent half the day getting over to Lime Kiln only to read the tracking board and find out that the pod of orcas was off Iceberg Point on LOPEZ! No whales at whale watching central...no, they're in my backyard that day. Now 3 days before I leave the island God lets me see this wonderful sight. My sources say it is 50ft gray whale. A rare sight in MacKaye Harbor. There's nothing like being in the right place at the right time. It's funny how this type of thing will stop all other conversation and activity. We all jumped up and ran to what we thought would be the best viewing spot and waited for another glimpse. Whale surfaced a couple more times as it left the harbor but never that close again. Thank you Lord, for putting me in the right place at the right time! I believe I can apply this to the rest of my life. I can't wait to see what He is preparing me for, at just the right time.

Question of the Day = Need or Want?

My day started off as I was jarred into a state of alarm by a fog horn as the 6:25am ferry sailed past my house. My adrenaline already pumping, I got up and had a cup of coffee. This may explain the stupor I was in by 3pm as I sat at the Library on the computer while Emma looked for some books. On another note...

I have no idea why this woman looks so happy. Based on what she's doing she should look like me... A zombie-like creature roaming from room to room shaking her head in disbelief and turning in circles like she has one foot nailed to the floor while mentally calculating shipping costs. Her friend even seems happy to be helping her. I wonder what planet they're from? I know I talked about this yesterday, but even after bringing a liberating bunch of stuff to the thrift shop today I am going to be at about 30 boxes of things to ship east! One of which was big enough to hold Emma, which I considered briefly. Just kidding, but life certainly has a lot of baggage, as do eight year old girls. I'm declaring a strike on Christmas gifts bigger than a 3x5 card this year and they have to be consumable. All in all though, it was a productive day. As I look toward the end of our trip and having to pack my 'real' house full of things and move them when I get there, I have to ask myself this question....Need or want? Heaven knows there are a lot more things I want than things I actually need. Why for instance do I need 5 bread pans? I'm not a pioneer who needs to bake enough bread to feed my farmer husband and strapping young lads. And how many toys can 1 girl play with in the course of a week? This current change in my life is helping me ask questions that will help me live a more quality life, emotionally, and physically. Figuring out why I do the things I do is the key to letting go of my less beneficial behaviors in favor of adopting better ones. Like last night I figured out that I was holding on to all this stuff because it's my Lopez stuff. I have been so happy here that I associated the stuff with the feelings. In the end though, the stuff is not what I really want to take with me, it's the relationships. I have yet to find a way to successfully put those in a box. If I could do that I'd rule the world and I could have Donald Trump delivering my morning paper on his bicycle.

My stuff is sucking the life out of me!!!!!!!!

There are stacks of boxes surrounding me. I have collected them to ship and store my stuff since we have to move. This doesn't sound out of the ordinary for your average person, but I have to say....I'm not average. When we came here 2 years ago, my husband drove with 2 bags of personal clothing and a few items like books and 2 plastic bins with books, toys and special things I thought we might need since we were going to be gone for 4 months. (ha ha) Emma and I flew out each with 2 carry-on bags. Just enough to drive back and be comfortable. After all, we were moving into a fully furnished and established household, right down to the forks and linens. Well, we stayed a little longer and when we moved I took several large boxes and bags to the thrift shop and transfer station....and still had enough to warrant the equivalent of 10 car loads to be moved to our current temporary house...also fully furnished. Something is dreadfully wrong with this picture. I've shipped 11 boxes, (granted they are mostly smaller flat rate boxes, but still). I've taken 5 large boxes to the thrift shop and mall and am still overwhelmed. It's hard to believe we accumulated this much stuff in 24 months. It's costing me a small fortune in brain cells and shipping (and therefore negating the great bargains they were to begin with since I collected most of them at the thrift shop or Neil's) and all I can think is....why am I adding all this to the stuff I already have in NH?!!!!!!! Not only that but I was planning to store some 'necessities' at a friend's house while we're gone. So, I did the new thing I do, I asked the Lord what my problem was. Hmmm, don't you know He had an answer right on the tip of His tongue..."You're hoarding, let it go. It's owning your joy." Right. I'd been thinking I needed to have things here for when we return. I thought I was being practical, frugal, smart. OK, also there are some pretty things I don't want to let go of. But all it's doing is stressing me, and would these be the things I would choose or do I have them because they were a 'bargain'? Lots of us are enslaved by our stuff. We buy bigger houses, add rooms or rent storage facilities, rather than let it go and be free of the mental clutter of keeping track of it all and the storing and managing of it. It becomes our job, our decision maker, a cruel task master (dusting, my least favorite job). Before I came out here I had already learned this lesson and weeded out tremendous amounts of stuff from my home. I gave it to the goodwill because I hate putting on yard sales. I remember how freeing it was, how comfortable my home was and how I didn't miss any of it and couldn't even remember what all of it was or why I was hanging on to it! So, after a period of backsliding I'm deciding to let it all go and will encourage Emma in blessing other kids with some of her things. Truth be told, she outdoes us both in sheer quantity of possessions. (Lots more for birthdays, Christmas, etc.) Then... I won't have to pack it, lug it, ship it, store it, remember where it is, clean it, organize it or think about it, and no one else will either. Free! So if you haven't got enough stuff (and I think you probably do) check out Neil's and the thrift shop after Wednesday. I'm traveling light.

Ready....set....road trip!

The countdown is on. Cross country Road Trip in 7 days! Let the video load and then watch from the beginning for a smooth viewing.

I feel like Gumby

It is a must to remain flexible in this life. It is when I become inflexible, in my thinking, opinions and plans that I break when bent in a new direction. I think it is important to have some sort of plan, but it must be one that can be adjusted. We are getting ready to leave Lopez for awhile, to head back east and take care of some personal business. We had been thinking we would stay until a certain date, but the best laid plans can take a sudden turn, and we are now looking at leaving a couple of weeks early. Doesn't really sound like that much of a big deal but this means re-arranging work, our schedule, chores, canceling activities, planning to see friends one more time, packing and how and where we will travel across the country and all the last minute details have suddenly come front and center. Just when I thought I had it all figured out....CHANGE! I am starting to actually be amused by these things instead of derailed by them and I am hoping that means I am growing just a little. God is teaching me how to adjust. He does that by changing the plan and waits to see how I will respond. He is teaching me to trust Him and not my plan. He is showing me that life is flexible and fluid. I can't see all the turns and twists on the road ahead, but I can rest in the knowledge that He does, and He's going to lead the way. I just can't be a back-seat Driver! I find a distinct parallel to when my husband and I are travelling together. I have the day, direction, timing and where we're going all mapped out in my mind. Then Dave says, turn down this road, there's a (fill in the blank) down here. I was always annoyed by this because it wasn't something that was in my mind's plan, and who wants to see a (fill in the blank) anyway? As it turns out, almost unfailingly, that whatever it is turns out to be an interesting and fun side-trip. Spontaneity is something my husband flows with easier than I do, but I think I'm starting to get the hang of it. I am daily loosening my grip on my agendas and trying to be more flexible....this should make a 10-14 day trip in a small car with the family much more enjoyable, especially for them!

Half empty or half full??

Tonight's tap show went well. Emma and the girls did great again and I..well, I missed a step. Mind you I'm in the front row so, there's no hiding it. However, it got me to thinking. Of course I was focused on my error after the performance was over. It tried to overshadow the fact that I had had fun dancing and being among friends. It tried to chip away at my self-worth and tried to awaken that old perfectionism I used to grapple with. And then I thought- wait, I have a choice right here in this moment. I can focus on the one small thing I missed and be a big negative bummer or on everything I did right and how much fun I was having. Letting go of the ego is tough for all of us. We can have such high expectations of ourselves and what we forget is that no one else is holding us up to that standard. If they are that's their issue to deal with...not mine. I'm totally in control of letting myself off the hook. So, I had a great time dancing and watching my friends and their kids and grandkids dancing. I was not the best dancer there but it really doesn't matter. Several other people missed steps too, but since I wasn't there to critique them I just enjoyed it. It is good to be reminded that we are all human and all make mistakes. Thank goodness or we'd be...well, robots. So, a bit of a long story to say, I'm choosing to be a glass is half full kind of girl. What a blessing it is to be part of something fun with people I know and love. That is the memory I choose to take away from the Tap Show and now I can say I am truly looking forward to doing it all again tomorrow night...come what may.

Break A leg.....

Well, night 1 was a success. The girls were great and the audience was very enthusiastic! We had fun and therefore met my goal. Dancing is a great outlet mentally & physically, but it is also social. There's nothing like a shared experience for bonding. So many times here I have been grateful for people who are willing to use their gifts. And in a small community like this it is such a blessing. It is an almost indescribable feeling I get when, for example, I go to choir one night and am led by Kim, then the next night I go to tap class and Kim is being led by Jan, etc... the chain goes on and on. This is just one example of many where people I know lead or teach in one place and receive instruction from their student in another place. It has a beautiful symmetry to me and I think it keeps us all humble yet confident in our own gifts. It's great that everyone has their place to shine and a place where they help someone else to shine. In a large community it is rare to witness this kind of intermingling. But here on the island we all are called upon to contribute something to our community. Each of us has a part to play. Most people I know here are doing that in more than one capacity, and some are everywhere. It is a big part of what makes Lopez such a special and unique place to call home and why it has drawn it's numbers from around the world. It is why each of us gets to know so many of the people in our community, always crossing paths with one another at function after function. That makes for a great feeling of belonging and mattering that is a gift I would not have missed for the whole world. Thanks to all my fellow Lopezians for embracing us into your midst. It's been very cozy here. Now, enough mush. Have a great day and wherever you live may you be able to shine in your gift or as a result of someone else's today.

tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap

Kind of like the dripping faucet or the tick of the clock. Tap, tap, tap.....today starts 3 nights of the Lopez Tap Show 2010. I think I was tapping in my sleep last night. Counting endlessly in my head the steps. Emma is very excited. Dress rehearsal went well and we're looking forward to having fun, even if we're out of step. Dancing with all the ladies in my class has been a great time. I've met new people, laughed and just been able to forget about the pressures of the day. Fun. How many things do we do that are really just fun? Not too many. Today I'm advocating for Fun. Apply a liberal dose to your daily life and see what a spring it puts in your step!

I've Got You Covered

This photo is of Emma and her loyal companion Mona. Mona's entire reason for existing, it seems, is to guard, defend and protect Emma. A duty she assigned herself the moment she saw her. From the moment she is released from the house in the morning until she is put in at night, she's on duty, pasted up against the sliding glass door, which is the entrance to our apartment. (Unless of course Emma goes out...in which case Mona follows at her side, ever hopeful of attention, play, reward for her obedience and long suffering. It brought to mind the word abiding. Not a word I use or think of often. My friend Marsha once told me that her dog had taught her what it really means to abide. To be still and wait at the master's feet. According to the Websters the definition of Abidance is compliance and Compliance= A willingness to follow or yield to another. Spiritually, I interpret that as a willingness to not only accept my place in the grand scheme of things, but to be content in it as well. To acknowledge that God's ways are higher than mine and to yield to His will and plan for my life. Just like Mona was designed to do what she does instinctively, so I was made to serve and follow or abide in God and trust in His plan for my life. Mona does not seem anxious, bitter or put out as she spends hours in front of the door, barking at any noise out of the ordinary (and some ordinary). Perhaps it is because she is abiding in the will of the creator, doing what she was made to do. Hmmm. I feel a personal application coming on. I like the fact that she is always there. It helps me to remember that Jesus is always there, watching over us, ready to defend and protect us. He's got our back. (and every other direction). To sit at His feet and wait for His voice, patiently, expectantly, calmly...what would that be like? And to be willing to do what I hear Him say?...ah, there's the rub. But, I think I'll give it a try. Worrying, angst and trying to orchestrate my life hasn't worked, what have I got to lose?

Living My Bucket List

I was thinking today about how I am trying and doing things I have always wanted to do....but had never had enough courage to do before. Living my 'bucket list' if you will. Traveling, dancing, singing, being the real me, just putting myself out there, here in this place where I feel safe to do so. It has come from the situation I have found myself in...not knowing how long we'd be here, not knowing where the road ahead of me is leading and not knowing if when I leave here in a few weeks if I'll ever be able to return. I'm not comparing myself to a person with a fatal illness but, I liken it to being told you've only got 'x' amount of time to "Live". Live being the operative word. I mean, I'm not going to die (that I know of) but my time here on the island is short and I feel the impending and dramatic change coming my way. It makes me want to do things while I have the chance. It is a mirror to me of the one life God has given me to live on this earth. It will end, time is not on my side, so...what do I do with the time I am given? I have spent most of my life on the outside looking in. Always watching, never participating. I allowed fear and self doubt to be my decision makers, I did not have my faith and trust in God where it should have been, but in myself who is fallible and self centered. I am seeing things differently these days. God answered my prayer and took me out of my former life, brought me and kept me here to give me rest, to teach me, to let me blossom, to find my voice and ultimately to set me free. I am so grateful, for I know I have been changed and I can never go back to the life I had before...it doesn't fit any more, that girl is gone. So, onward. I don't know what is coming next, but God does. I will trust Him whose timing is perfect. All evidence is in His favor that He will come through. The wave of change is swelling up beneath me but I'm not going to give heed to fear, but start living my one life with purpose. I think I'll add some more things to that bucket list...

You Gotta Have Friends

Tonight I was blessed, again, by my friends. The last couple of weeks have been a string of preliminary goodbye parties, as I am loathe to give anyone an actual date of departure. Partly because oI don't really know myself. But it is getting closer and closer now. First, the Women's Ministry team Brunch, then our Small Group end of the year party, I even had a going away party to honor my friends. Tonight's party was with the Lopez Community Church Choir, of which I have been blessed to be a part. They gave me a lovely 'going away' party with sweet cake, personal sentiments, prayer and parting gifts. Parting gifts...Hmm, sounds like I was on the Price Is Right. Really though, it was very nice... but also another pang in my already angsting heart. I want to stay here where life has been so very good but, God has shown me here on Lopez, so far away from where I came, that no matter where I am, He will provide. He has brought special lifelong friends and wonderful times into my life here. They will be with me always and will be the things that call my heart back to this special place when I am far away again. I don't know what the future holds, none of us does, but I will go knowing I was accepted, encouraged, included and loved here. And isn't that all I can really ask for? Thanks everyone!

Hangin' Ten

Being my first blog and therefore my first entry, have patience. I'll learn. I am ruminating this morning about many things, chief among them is that in this earthly life, I have found, there is one thing that is constant above all other things... Change. Hence the name I chose for this blog. It is a relentless partner that lurks close by, ready to jerk me off my feet and send me in a new direction the minute I feel that everything is finally stable. That all is right with my world. You would think after all these years I would have made friends with change, accepting it's existence and it's higher purpose. This purpose (I have determined) is growth. I believe God uses this natural climate of change to develop our character, but more importantly to develop our relationship with Him. I may be taken off guard when the waves of change rise up beneath me, but He is not. It is a scary and dangerous ride when I refuse to accept that change is inevitable and in all likelihood...good for my soul and like a surfer who refuses to balance on the board I am shaken to and fro and dumped headlong onto the reef, upside-down in an environment with an oxygen level my lungs cannot tolerate....despite what they claim in the movie 'The Abyss'. The last 2 years have been a turning point in my life. God has given me nothing but opportunities to trust Him to meet all my needs, which of course He has, in every possible way. All the years I spent being stressed over change did nothing to prevent change from happening. So what am I fighting for? Why resist the blessing of growth? IT HURTS, THAT'S WHY! Pain. Something we all fear and avoid. But I am at the conclusion that pain is always worse in my mind than in real life. So to that end, I am going to learn to surf the waves of change. To breathe and enjoy the ride I am given, whatever is happening. Painful, sure, maybe. But, not nearly as painful as crashing into the reef. I love the analogy in "Parenthood" with Steve Martin and Mary Steenburgen. Steve's character is always hostile to change, Mary's realizes that it is just normal for life to be a roller coaster, so why not throw your hands up and enjoy the ride instead of freaking out like these things are only happening to you, like your the target.

Nope, not me. I'm going to be hangin' ten from now on.....