My visit with Forrest

Meet my new confidante, Forrest Jump. We had a great chat recently when I went back to Lopez for my friend Laurie's memorial service. Forrest was Laurie's horse. Now he is my friend Ruth's horse. While staying at Ruth's house Forrest and I chatted about several things. Missing Laurie, uncertainty, trust, faith, hope, love and loss. Though young, Forrest is a great listener. He also has very expressive eyes. The more I talked the more he responded. He's also a great cuddle bug and gave me a few comforting nuzzles, he said nothing of course, words are not always necessary. Ok, he's probably forgotten all about it by now. Ok, he probably forgot by the time I got back to the house. Lest you think that I have taken to talking only to horses I will interject that I also talked with friends and more to the point I've had the same chat with God that I had with Forrest...missing my friend, uncertainty about the future, trust, faith, hope, love and loss.  God is listening but silent as well. I still don't know what the future holds, no one does, I struggle with trust, my faith is stretched beyond recognition, my hope fights for survival, my love is being tested and my losses feel profound. Sometimes we feel like we've been forgotten by God, that He is busy running the rest of infinity and we're on hold. He's not ignoring us of course, but sometimes it seems that way. I am finding that God allows silence for His good reasons. It is in the silent times that I am more prone to look inward and try to discern what things are separating me from God. What is it in me that needs to be rooted up, removed, rebuilt, restored...repented for? How far has my heart wandered from God? What are the idols in my life? He wants me to spend time with him, talking to Him, submitting my will to His instead of running ahead with my own plans. How much time have I really spent with Him? When do I stop asking for things and just praise and thank Him? Do I listen? Lot's of questions begging for answers. I am trying not to lallygag. In this silent time, the waiting, I am being broken and that for my ultimate good. There is a song I love by Christian artist, Gianna Jessen called "In the Waiting" It says...."In the waiting, is the hardest place to be, daily dying, more of you and less of me." I have lost people and things that are precious to me, but I am not alone. Just because you can't hear God's voice and just because nothing seems to be happening when you pray doesn't mean He isn't still there as always, waiting patiently, working things for good. We just can't see them yet.  So in the silent time I must go on what I know. Like Emile in South Pacific when he says; "This I know, of this I can be sure." the Word God gave me says He will never leave me or forsake me, He is with me always, He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is trustworthy and has a plan and purpose for my life and, unlike Forrest He has not forgotten me or one word of our conversations. He is the God of all comfort, and I may take refuge in Him. My daughter Emma's middle name is Faith. I chose it because of the scripture verse that I held on to in the years before she was born. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." I had faith that some day she would be here, and she is. God was faithful then and I trust He will be faithful now.