Christmas Letter 2011

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Teamwork

You gotta have friends! 

Teamwork does not always come naturally to us. But when it comes to those we love it is essential. This is a photo of my daughter and my friends sons, helping their little sister, Monya, up the skateboard ramp. I thought this was a great picture of family. As my family and I move forward on life's uncertain road it is imperative that we all work together for the good of the whole and when one person is having trouble making it up the 'ramp' to offer our hand of support and encouragement. When that is missing life sure is alot harder, and the ramps of life seem insurmountable. I have been in both camps and I strive to remain part of my team, putting the others needs before my own. As I explained to my daughter the other day, if everyone on the family is doing this, everyone is being blessed. Judging by the picture, I see that she's already practicing this. She loves Monya, as do her brothers, and they were all immediately including her and helping her to participate. What a blessing and example. It feels good to lift up someone we love and seems right, but I wonder how good I am at doing these things for those I may not love so well? Hmm, food for thought.

My visit with Forrest

Meet my new confidante, Forrest Jump. We had a great chat recently when I went back to Lopez for my friend Laurie's memorial service. Forrest was Laurie's horse. Now he is my friend Ruth's horse. While staying at Ruth's house Forrest and I chatted about several things. Missing Laurie, uncertainty, trust, faith, hope, love and loss. Though young, Forrest is a great listener. He also has very expressive eyes. The more I talked the more he responded. He's also a great cuddle bug and gave me a few comforting nuzzles, he said nothing of course, words are not always necessary. Ok, he's probably forgotten all about it by now. Ok, he probably forgot by the time I got back to the house. Lest you think that I have taken to talking only to horses I will interject that I also talked with friends and more to the point I've had the same chat with God that I had with Forrest...missing my friend, uncertainty about the future, trust, faith, hope, love and loss.  God is listening but silent as well. I still don't know what the future holds, no one does, I struggle with trust, my faith is stretched beyond recognition, my hope fights for survival, my love is being tested and my losses feel profound. Sometimes we feel like we've been forgotten by God, that He is busy running the rest of infinity and we're on hold. He's not ignoring us of course, but sometimes it seems that way. I am finding that God allows silence for His good reasons. It is in the silent times that I am more prone to look inward and try to discern what things are separating me from God. What is it in me that needs to be rooted up, removed, rebuilt, restored...repented for? How far has my heart wandered from God? What are the idols in my life? He wants me to spend time with him, talking to Him, submitting my will to His instead of running ahead with my own plans. How much time have I really spent with Him? When do I stop asking for things and just praise and thank Him? Do I listen? Lot's of questions begging for answers. I am trying not to lallygag. In this silent time, the waiting, I am being broken and that for my ultimate good. There is a song I love by Christian artist, Gianna Jessen called "In the Waiting" It says...."In the waiting, is the hardest place to be, daily dying, more of you and less of me." I have lost people and things that are precious to me, but I am not alone. Just because you can't hear God's voice and just because nothing seems to be happening when you pray doesn't mean He isn't still there as always, waiting patiently, working things for good. We just can't see them yet.  So in the silent time I must go on what I know. Like Emile in South Pacific when he says; "This I know, of this I can be sure." the Word God gave me says He will never leave me or forsake me, He is with me always, He is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is trustworthy and has a plan and purpose for my life and, unlike Forrest He has not forgotten me or one word of our conversations. He is the God of all comfort, and I may take refuge in Him. My daughter Emma's middle name is Faith. I chose it because of the scripture verse that I held on to in the years before she was born. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." I had faith that some day she would be here, and she is. God was faithful then and I trust He will be faithful now. 

Finding the words

There are so many times I wish I had eloquent words to describe an event or an experience. This is one of those times. A friend of mine is leaving this earth and going home to her Lord. I am grateful that He has given me even a brief time to know her here and even more grateful that someday we will be able to  continue a friendship that I know has only just begun. Some people touch our lives in a moment, she is one. I am a different person because she touched my life in a real and genuine way. Some of what I know came from talking with her, some through her precious Blogs. But, much of what I know of her I know through my friend Ruth, who introduced us. It is through her sharing that I know some of the best things about Laurie. Through her descriptions, her uncontainable love and admiration for her, her joy as she recalls and retells of her humor and positive outlook amidst the hardest of trials in this life and now the sorrow I hear in that same voice at the thought of her leaving. Friendship is a tremendous gift from our Heavenly Father. It comes in all variations and our friends meet a different set of needs for each of us. Some we laugh with and get silly, some we pour our heart out to in trusted confidence, some we glean wisdom from to help us make solid choices, some are there when things get tough to gird us up, some challenge us to grow. It is a rare gift to find all these in one friend and I am glad Ruth has that blessing in Laurie, and I'm sure she's not the only one. A good friend is a good friend to everyone she knows. Laurie has inspired me in many ways, made me laugh out loud, made me think about how I look at the world, how I respond to my circumstances and what kind of friend and person I am. I am grateful and blessed. Thank you, Laurie.